Do Grades Really Matter? Why I’m Choosing Process Over Performance

I read an article today about successful people who didn’t get good grades in school — it’s worth a read.

And it got me thinking...

With my own children, I don’t focus on grades. I try to focus on effort — did they try? Did they enjoy learning?

But I’m really starting to question whether grades matter at all.

As I’ve started connecting my work with more universities, I’m hearing that many are rethinking the way they assess entry requirements. They’re looking at broader competency frameworks, not just raw academic scores.

It makes me wonder...

Born and raised in the UK, university entrance wasn’t hard for me. I got into an Accounting and Finance degree with CCD. Not great grades. A few years later, the same course required ABB. What changed? The content was the same. The course hadn’t suddenly become more advanced. But the pressure on students to “get the grades” certainly ramped up.

And when I worked in a leadership role in banking, I recruited a lot of qualified accountants. People who had passed the professional exams. But when I asked them, “What’s a debit on a Profit and Loss account?” — 9 out of 10 answered incorrectly.

So do grades mean someone can apply what they’ve learned?

In that case... clearly not.

I’ve come to look at life — and raising my kids — as process over outcome.

If my child gets a great grade, but only because they were chasing the result... I don’t really value that.

But if they got that grade because they enjoyed the topic... struggled with it... learned deeply... applied what they were learning... that matters to me.

Because that’s not just about grades. That’s about building intrinsic motivation.

And to raise a child with intrinsic motivation, I’ve had to build patience in myself.

To trust that the results will come if they’re meant to. To hold back from rushing. To allow the learning to unfold at their pace, not mine.

The results take longer to appear that way... but the ability to learn lasts a lifetime.

Slow and steady really does win the race.

“He didn’t ask for mistake-free games. He didn’t demand that his players never lose. He asked for full preparation and full effort from them. ‘Did I win? Did I lose? Those are the wrong questions. The correct question is: Did I make my best effort?’ If so, he says, ‘You may be outscored but you will never lose.’”

— Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

If, like me, you’d love your child to relax a little around grades and focus more on growth, here’s some lovely advice from Rachel Macy Stafford via Hands Free Mama.

And I’m curious... what do grades mean to you?

Much love,
Dina

P.S. If you’re ready to support your child to thrive in learning and life, without pressure, perfection, or performance, my Stressed to Best Parent Method will show you how. You’ll learn how to shift your mindset, trust the process, and build true confidence in your child from the inside out. Check it out here.