The One Parenting Language Shift That Changes Everything

At the petrol station, I saw a mother walking out of the service station with her young son, probably around five or six years old.

She’d bought him an ice lolly, took off the wrapper, handed it to him and said...
“Don’t drop it on the floor.”

My ears pricked up — because that used to be me.

Don’t make too much noise...
Don’t go near the fire...
Don’t make a mess...

Back then, I didn’t realise I was accidentally reinforcing the exact behaviours I didn’t want. I thought I was being clear and protective. What I didn’t see was that the way I spoke to my kids was being shaped by something deeper... my own motivation.

You see, I’m a problem-solver.
It’s not just what I do — it’s how I think. I notice, track, and solve problems almost instantly. It’s one of my greatest gifts... and one of my biggest blind spots in parenting.

Because when you're wired to fix things, your attention naturally zooms in on what’s wrong. So your language follows — pointing out what to avoid, what not to do, and what needs correcting.

But here’s the thing...

Many children, especially strong-willed, action-oriented ones....aren’t wired that way.

They’re often driven by goals, not problems. They respond to what they hear as the instruction... the command... the image to act on.

So when you say “don’t drop it,” they hear “drop it.”

Not because they’re being defiant, but because their mind locks onto the doing, not the don’t.

Sure enough, just a few moments later, that little boy dropped the ice lolly on the ground.

And I thought to myself... that could have been me.
Not just the child — the parent too.

This is exactly why, in the Stressed to Best Parent Method, we begin by identifying your dominant motivation. Not just so you can understand yourself — but so you can recognise how your internal wiring shapes your language, expectations, and emotional patterns.

We use a powerful, science-backed tool that measures 48 core motivations...
And we translate that into parenting: how to hear your child and how to speak so they actually respond.

Because once you understand the difference between your mindset and theirs, it changes everything.

You stop reacting out of frustration and start responding with clarity.
You stop second-guessing what to say.
You stop feeling like you’re always one step behind.

You start connecting.
You start seeing your child clearly.
And they start feeling truly understood.

That’s when saying what you want — instead of what you don’t — becomes second nature.

Not as a communication hack... but as a way of speaking that honours how your child is wired.

Instead of “don’t make a mess,” you say:
“Let’s keep the food on the plate.”

Instead of “don’t go near the fire,” you say:
“Stay close to me.”

Instead of “don’t slam the door,” you say:
“Let’s close the door gently.”

And suddenly, it’s not about avoiding meltdowns or managing behaviour...
It’s about being in rhythm. Leading with clarity. Holding the relationship as your north star.

This is the difference between learning techniques and truly embodying a new way of being.

When you speak from a place that matches your child’s motivation...
You don’t just get short-term cooperation.
You build long-term trust, confidence, and connection.

That’s how we raise children who feel safe to be themselves...
Because we’ve done the work to understand who they are.

P.S. Want to understand your child’s unique motivation and how to speak so they actually hear you?
The Stressed to Best Parent Method starts with mapping your personal mindset and decoding your child’s. It’s practical, powerful, and tailored, so you can parent from clarity, not confusion. There are four spots available next month.